The Intimacy Pitfall, Balancing Hormones and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be excellent too).

B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the chance to why not look here have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .

When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in urbane locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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